I haven’t been blogging lately, and I know that it’s in part because I’ve been frustrated by our finances. There are a combination of factors, none of which ease the stress. I naturally wish that everything was ideal, and the disconnect between my desires and reality is getting under my skin. I realize that it’s time start using this blog to vent as well as to dream.

One of the clever tools I use in my Mama Bliss Coaching is to create a “Vent Tunnel” where you create a safe space to simply rant about whatever is bothering you. So, here it goes:

1. After writing a lovely little article about being a “Budget Believer” for Metro Parent, I haven’t managed to update my own budget. I had the best of intentions when I wrote the article to rebuild our budget. Initially I waited because I knew that our August vacation budget didn’t reflect our real budget, but then September flew by and now October is half over. I’m feeling a tiny bit better after I just spent the last hour taking the first stab at it. But I’ve been feeling like a major fraud though, and I know it’s going to take diligence to heed my own sage advice…
2. We’ve spent too much money on our 1904 Victorian. When I left my City paycheck, we agreed that we couldn’t afford to take on major home improvements. But the winter storms left of with a small leak in our roof, and it was old enough that a patch job didn’t feel sufficient. Then, despite us trying multiple different fixes over the years, our basement has continued to leak with each major rain storm. It’s made it impossible for us to make it into a livable family space. So, we committed once again to spend more money to at least make it dry. There’s more to this story, but I think I need a whole post to vent on it…
3. In the process of Miel searching for her new Portland home, I ended up touring lots of beautiful places in nearby Irvington. Our kids transferred into Irvington School, but we have to walk them “across the tracks” of MLK to get there (the italics are for Kevin, who loves to use this phrase, but it makes me cringe). We’ve been truly happy in our home for the past six years, and there are still so many things that I love about our place. Yet, the location has felt awkward ever since the kids started in school. Aside from a long walk, it’s the fact that there’s only one set of boys for them to have impromptu play dates with. Makenna, and soon Teagan, have no one within a reasonably nearby radius to play with. I know that it sounds ludicrous and probably very privileged to want to move homes for social reasons, but Kevin and I would love to have more community friends too. There are other factors too, like that we could really use some more guest space, and I’ve had a goal of hosting exchange students when the kids are a bit older, but that can’t happen our current home. More of a story on this too…
4. I need a part-time nanny. Teagan is very close to toddling around on her own. I spent a lot of time off during the summer, and I knew that my windows of available work time were getting shorter and shorter. Plus, with ramping up my coaching, I need to have truly uninterrupted appointment times available. I was planning to hire someone in September, but then with Miel moving out, we decided to share a nanny and are hopefully close to doing so. But there is also the obvious need to afford the nanny. Thankfully, we’re finally starting to earn from our investment in the beach cabins. Yet, I had been doing coaching alone, it would have continued to feel like a chicken/egg syndrome of needing the kid-free time in order to work, but needing the income to afford the care.
5. We’re in serious need of a Money Honey talk, but I feel like since I’ve been “off work” our money conversations end up being all about how I spend too much money. Yes, I did go on a spending binge back in the spring, but I’ve kept my spending in check for the past six months. Yet, I feel like Kevin is constantly “accusing” me of spending on things that are within our budget, and worse than that is the feeling like I’m not contributing financially to our household and am therefore undeserving. I am sooooo ready to start making some real cash, and I know that my desire to earn is linked to my sense of self worth. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t fully live the life I want.

It feels great to get this off my chest, even though I still need to dig deeper and share more on many aspects. While I know that I’m opening myself up to criticism, I would rather share our full story than unpersonal finance tips.

What does your “Vent Tunnel” look like?

Darcy