Author Archives: Ms. Miel

About Ms. Miel

Miel spends her time split between Washington, DC and Africa. She works on international relief and development projects in DRCongo, Burundi, Zimbabwe, Liberia, & Sierra Leone. Check out Miel's photos!

Miel’s Money Stories – Before Marriage

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My early money stories are certainly important, but I also feel that those money stories that we live every day and cycle through repeatedly are just as important to break free from as are those that influenced us earlier in life. These are the ones that show up on a regular basis and prevent us from getting what we want out of life.

When I first started out this post I thought I could somehow cover everything in one go. Clearly I wasn’t really considering how much money related history and stories we have together. Here are my primary stories during our first 2.5 years living together before we were married.

To put things into context, James and my relationship hasn’t exactly had a conventional track. The quick chronology is that we first dated 22 years ago, we moved in together 10 years ago, were married 8 years ago, and had our first child one week ago.
This meant that when we first moved in together we had a long history in many ways, but were certainly learning each other as we went along. We dove into the deep end with our finances right off the bat.
After reconnecting, not having seen each other in three years, the spark was still there and I took the plunge and moved across the country from Portland, OR to Washington, DC. It definitely took a financial leap of faith to go, but I felt it would work out. I had lost my job in Portland, so in that way it was easier to go. I sold nearly everything I owned, on the then new Craigslist, and shipped only a few boxes via greyhound. It was a shedding of my material possessions, but given my nomadic ways this came easier for me than it might have others. It also gave me some much needed cash.
Particularly having lost my job, I was mounting up credit card debt and knew that I needed to get out fast. I had faith that I would be able to do so, but I can’t say it was easy. I managed to start my first job in Washington 5 weeks after moving here, working several weeks of temp work just to make sure I was able to stay afloat.
At the same time as landing my job, I also put a plan in place to pay off my $13k in credit card debt. I researched and found the best card with 0% interest and no transfer fees to consolidate everything and pay it off as quickly as possible. I managed to do so in about seven months, even though I was only making $40k a year.
James was very supportive about me paying off my credit card debt. Knowing him as I do now, I realize this was a huge show of love and faith in me. I think this was in part his having had credit card debt as well and having already turned this around and started to move towards better financial management. I do recall feeling a bit like a potential liability and not wanting that to be the case. I very much wanted to maintain my financial independence that I had had since college.
James and I developed a household budget, though still kept things separate. We each paid a percentage of the rent 60/40, with James earning more at that time. James paid for going out together, since he enjoys paying the bill, and I paid for groceries to make it easier to shop and buy what I wanted (James was used to a bachelor’s diet).
I realize that there are lots of early money dialogues that we had in those early days that still perpetuate. One of those comes around household purchases. James essentially feels that no household items are essential. I realized the strength of this conviction when I bought dishes for our place. I believe he had something like a plate and a bowl, which clearly wasn’t enough for us. Rather than buy a huge set of dishware, I picked a nice classic red German plate and bought four dinner plates, four cereal bowls, and four salad plates. James felt this purchase was excessive and unnecessary. We still have the same set today, now with six plates. I’m of the mind of buying something that you love once and then sticking with it. I still today have to manage whether or not (or to what degree) James will find a basic household purchase in some way unnecessary. This definitely helps in our minimalistic and small home, but also adds stress where it doesn’t necessarily need to be. I am better about delaying or thinking very carefully about how much I want/need something before I purchase, so I suppose I have James to thank for that in part.
Around gift giving, James is also always very generous with giving gifts, particularly jewelry. I think during this first period that I write of he purchased me no less than 7 or 8 pieces of fine jewelry. My grandmother taught me never to say no to jewelry (or you’ll never get it again) and I’m ever grateful for James’ generosity. I do recall buying him a watch for our second Valentine’s Day, after I’d paid of my credit card debt, and he absolutely refused this gift. It was something like $150, when the ring he bought me was more than that, but he was adamant that it was unnecessary. So while will only by me jewelry, he pretty much only accepts clothes or money related gifts from my side to him. I suppose we all have our preferences.
Meanwhile, we were working selling James first studio apartment within the first months of living together. It was a coop, and thus couldn’t easily be rented, so we put the studio up for sale. The market was climbing at that point, in 2004, and James sold the place for $130k after having bought it in 2001 for $40k.
James had also bought his first studio rental a few months before I moved to DC, so he was itching for more real estate. I didn’t have the funds to contribute, but was eager to work on something together. James was interested in something in the ghetto. We did many tours of places in areas of DC that I might never have had the chance to go otherwise. In the end we settled on a place that was in a transitional neighborhood, but still close enough for us to walk to. This made a huge difference in terms of improving the place and selling it.
Six months after I moved to Washington we bought a three unit townhouse at 4th & O, NW, in the Shaw neighborhood. I recall thinking about it the night before we closed that we were biting off a lot, but could also make a big difference in getting ahead. We spent nearly every night and weekend there working on it with sweat equity and some work with contractors. We sold the place six months later for about $70k more than we bought it for, but with expenses we probably got more out of the experience than anything else.
By that fall I had paid off my credit cards and just kept shoveling any extra funds towards saving for our first placed together. We had a big thermometer tracker on our bedroom door and tracked every penny that went into saving. We both did research studies and random things to make more cash to sock away. It felt like we were really on track and was great to work together towards a goal. Luckily this is still the case today and we just put up our first savings thermometer since then today.
We got engaged that fall in Hawaii, but decided right off the bat that we wanted a longer engagement (18 months) so we could buy our first place in six months and then save to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.
During our engagement we had many discussions about finances. Like my sister, I also felt that James essentially forgave the fact that I came from a lower income family and had faith in me that I had already set myself on another track.
A prenuptial agreement was also something that we did and many others avoid. I read a quick book, What To Do Before “I do”, that was very helpful in considering what was important to protect yourself. We are happily married nearly eight years later, but I am glad that we have the agreement in place.
Just before we were married we started a finance blog, DINKs Finance, or Dual Income No Kids. I had never been on a blog before, but it felt like we had a story to tell around money. I was very much at the learning phases of investments, but felt that how you dealt with finances as a couple makes all the difference in both your relationship and your finances.

Cheers,

Miel

Miel’s Money Stories – The Bachlorette Years

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We have come to the final section of our Money Stories series, though readers are bound to hear more of our stories unfold as they follow this blog. Money is one of those illusive things that isn’t static, means something different to everyone, has considerably different value depending on both where and who you are, and there is always a story that goes behind it. Whether or not we realize it. Taking this time to look at our money stories, even after eight years as a finance blogger, has been illuminating for me.

I can definitely see a significant evolution with my money stories in my adulthood. We’ll divvy these out into BJ and AJ (before James and after James), since whether your finances are mingled or separate having a significant other or spouse makes a significant difference.

The early years, aka BJ:

After college I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Ghana, West Africa for just over two years. I in lived the quintessential Peace Corps village, with no running water or electricity and scorpions and termites infestations. My housing was donated by my village, but do to rapid fluctuation of the local currency, my living allowance was just under $3/day or $85 a month. Volunteers in Ghana in the 70s were making $175/month in current currency, so clearly we’d seen a dramatic decrease in pay over time. While there was very little available on the local market to buy, it still took diligence to stick within such a small budget. I recall several older volunteers could afford to splurge with money they had in the bank, but I also felt proud that I could live on so little, like a badge of honor or travel war story that is hard to top. I recall my best friend spending $100 a month on parking in downtown Portland and finding it crazy that I could live on less than that.

I left Peace Corps gainfully employed as a co-leader on a semester study abroad trip to Australia, one that I had done as an undergrad. I had the smokin’ hot deal of all expenses paid (hotel, transport, per diem, and an allowance during two break periods) as well as $1000 a month. I was making bank! And I was living the dream. The exchange rate was also phenomenally in my favor, so I felt like I was living the high life. At the end of the day, with the Peace Corps return stipend of around $3k, I returned stateside with what felt like a healthy bank account. Most of my friends didn’t have that much to show a couple of years after graduation.
I bought my best friend’s car that her father had bought her when she got her license. I was a Civic gal and it was a perfect fit and the best car I’ve ever owned (which has only been three thus far). It felt great to be able to afford a nice looking and reliable car, and pay for it upfront as well.
After spending a month in England, with my boyfriend at the time, I opted not to work for the summer since my twin sis Darcy was getting married late that summer. I did end up working a few temp jobs while living at my parent’s place, since I couldn’t resist some extra cash and something to do with my time. I was offered a job at every place I worked, but had dreams that were bigger than that.
The Monday after my sis’ wedding I started working at the Tiller Fires camp, where a forest fire had struck the prior month. I was very aptly positioned in their Demobilization Unit, essentially scheduling travel and departure plans for a camp of 2,000 fire fighters, about 200 of which left every day. I worked 16 hours a day for 14 day on and 2 days off. I stayed 8 miles away at my folk’s place and enjoyed their jacuzzi as my only reprieve aside from what sleep I did get. The hours were brutal but I couldn’t have been happier. I also socked away a nice chunk of change to get me started in Portland.
I arrived in Portland at the New Year’s Eve and had found a great little one bedroom apartment in the trendy NW 23rd area of PDX (before NE was on the map). I paid $675/month, which was pretty top market for the time, but I knew that I wanted to be in a place that would set myself up for the success that I envisioned. How can you get what you want out of life if you don’t live in the best place?
I started pounding the pavement for a job right away. I was adamant that I would get my first real job for a minimum of $30k/year. My friends were making in the low 20s at the time and thought I was crazy to expect this in Portland at the time (this was during the internet bubble bursting). I ended up getting a job in two months flat, with a starting salary of $33k with an 6 month review that took it up to $35k.
I did my best managing finances during the year I was in Portland, definitely learning how to budget in the real world. I even started my first 401(k), but I didn’t save a safety net that would be much needed in the fall when I would lose my job. This is definitely both a money story and a lesson, in that I feel more secure having a back up plan to prevent issues.
During my year in Portland I also sold Mary Kay products, something I’d gotten into through my Aunt. In the end I don’t know whether I came out ahead or behind in terms of finances, but I do believe that the business lessons I learned were priceless; professionalism, sales techniques, marketing, business management, etc.
By the end of the year, as I was getting ready to move to Washington, DC, I had racked up $13k in credit card debt. Without a paycheck I was suddenly forced to put basic living expenses on my credit card and it added up quickly. I knew this wasn’t how I wanted to live and was very quick to correct this behavior. I was embarrassed to have the debt, but also knew that I could overcome it.

You’ll see in my final post about money stories how I paid off my credit card debt in less than a year and managed to surpass the $1M net worth mark in less than ten year. Despite my relative financial success thus far, this doesn’t negate the power of money stories.

Miel

~*~*~*~*~*~ Sustainable Family Finances Growing abundance while living down-to-Earth.

Tips for Teaching Kids About Money

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When and how we learn life skills depends on several factors. We have many chances to practice social graces, such as ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’. Children learn to manage their time and prioritize through school or deciding what sports they want to play.

However, gaining practical finance skills is more difficult. An allowance or odd jobs teach us how to earn money; but little in the way of budgeting and planning.

Many kids simply spend pocket money for quick fun or buying gadgets. Credit cards are the first money temptation many college students will face. A young adult may feel money is earned to be spent based on their brief work history. Overspending without concept of the consequences is a common result. This poses challenges later in life, where a lack of money experience has long term effects.

So, how can we teach kids about money in a practical and effective way?

Here are some strategies to consider:

Learn Money Skills Early and Often:

Parents can teach their children about making a budget and setting aside cash from an early age. You could set small financial goals for buying toys or tech widgets based on the child’s age. Children should then have chances to earn money in stages to buy the product.

Tips for success:

● Set specific targets. Your child should know what the product costs and how much they must save each week/month to get it.

● Let your child make their own decisions. They will be tempted to spend money along the way while saving for a new bike or skateboard. If they don’t reach their goal, be supportive but don’t cave in. You may offer more chores or work so they can continue to save.

Attend Money Workshops and Camps for Kids:

Consider workshops and summer camps geared to kids. Community centers and financial institutions often hold ‘Kid’s Nights’, where money subjects are taught in fun ways. Your local library, community college or bank may hold these events.

In July of 2013, USC Alumnus Elliott Broidy provided scholarships for children to attend summer camps at his alma mater. Careers, money and college life were among the topics.

You may also look to personal finance books with content for the whole family to share.

Use Technology:

Our digital world makes it easier to learn real life money skills. There are online tools and apps for kids of all ages.

Young Children : Free apps such as Allowance or Virtual Piggy help children set and achieve money goals. With Allowance, parents can assign chores with dollar values and time deadlines. Kids then prioritize to earn money in the most efficient way. Parents and kids can track % to goal with real time updates. The app even divides earnings into savings, spending and investing buckets.

Pre and Early Teens: Beyond saving, children can learn to grow their money with apps such as Bee Farming ($2.99) and The Game of Life ($0.99).

At Bee Farming, kids runs a virtual bee farm with set time periods to grow the business. The app teaches entrepreneurial skills such as reinvesting, spotting opportunity and managing scarce resources.

Using The Game of Life, kids learn about college debt and buying a house or car. Your child will see how loan rates affect debt and interest payments. This shows kids the true cost of making major purchases.

Teenage Years: College planning becomes a reality in teenage years. Online calculators and social media help teenagers research the best college choices.

Facebook, Google+ and YouTube are more than social sites. Your child can quickly connect with admissions offices and college students for a better sense of each school.

Sit with your teenager and calculate the debt service for each college they’re interested in. Rank your schools in order of preference and decide what college offers the best value, all things considered. A school’s atmosphere, aid, grants and degree programs should all be considered. Effective college planning goes past the hype to understand total costs and benefits.

Summary:

Money is a vital subject that can be learned outside the classroom. Planning, persistence and technology make this easier.

~*~*~*~*~*~ Sustainable Family Finances Growing abundance while living down-to-Earth.

Money Stories: Round 3b – Miel’s College Money Stories

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We have certainly realized through the process of reviewing our individual and collective money stories, how many there are and what an impact they have. We’ve already shared some of our initial money stories in Round 1 and Round 2, as well as Darcy’s stories in Round 3a, and now we have Round 3b for my own stories from college.

College Money Stories

My money lessons in college started very quickly. I had spent the summer working at Crater Lake Lodge and didn’t have access to my mail while I was there (before the days of email). I went off to Lewis & Clark College and started out my semester like most typical freshman. About a week after classes started I realized that there was actually a huge gap between what I was eligible for in loans and grants and what I owed. I think it was around $10k. I knew right away that this wasn’t an option. I started to consider back up plans, did I go to a community college, find a job until I could enroll somewhere, etc. Just after this news I got a call for an interview for the job I really wanted at College Outdoors, organizing and leading outdoor trips for fellow students. I told the nice guy that I really appreciated the offer, but that it turned out that I didn’t have enough money to continue with school and would have to drop out. The next thing I know, I have a call from Student Financial Aid Services. My would be boss had been so inspired by my application (where I told him all about growing up on a commune and camping from the early days) that he called them to find out if there was something they could do to help someone like me stay at LC. I was grateful but didn’t want to get my hopes up too much. The first question they asked as if anything in my family’s financial situation had changed in the last year. In fact my dad had fallen from a ladder while fixing the roof after our house had caught on fire and he hadn’t worked for the rest of the year. This change, as well as whatever else they were able to came up with, meant that there was a $3,000 gap. My maternal grandmother said she could help with a one time payment, but that I’d have to figure it out after that. It was my ticket to ride, and I took it and ran.
I promptly got two jobs, one at College Outdoors and the other taking pictures of kids at the mall, working about 35 hours a week, plus a commute to one of the jobs, and saved enough to pay for the next semester. My grades suffered, but I learned how to manage the multiple jobs and got into a groove of working for a semester to pay for the next semester.
With the hours I worked I didn’t have much of a social life to speak of. I had three roommates at the time (including one from Croatia – while the war was happening there- and the other from Germany). None of them worked and all got an allowance from their parents. Occasionally they would complain that I had more money than them (which I had worked for and wasn’t at liberty to spend).
Later in college, after my grandparents had sold their piece of farm land, while they continued to live with a great depression mentality. We would years later inherit what would in part become the Olivia Beach Camp Cabins (which will be a whole other story). I asked my paternal grandmother for help with my tuition. Her response was that if I didn’t have money to pay for school then I should quit.
My first year of doing my taxes I did a miscalculation, because I didn’t think it was feasible to get that much money back, and was delighted to find a hefty tax return when I got back from a trip to Europe (where I was looking forward to coming back with not much left). It would turn out that I made more in that summer than I would for some time, since I has been working 60 hours a week at Crater Lake Lodge.
In my sophomore year of college I did a semester in Australia, and with the exchange rate as it was, it was a very frugal trip. I definitely recall only the occasional beer to save money and count my pennies. At the end of the semester I squeezed my pennies enough to go on a once in a lifetime ten day outback trip with a professor of ours. It cost $1000 for 10 days ($1k of our pooled funds was spent on gas alone for the 5,000 kilometer trip through the outback). It was worth every penny and I’m certain I didn’t miss out on anything else that I had to sacrifice for it. I returned back from that trip with zero money and started saving back up for the next semester.
In my junior year of college I did a semester in Ecuador and recall having a $20 bill typically last a week or two. I would stand in line at the cambios behind traditionally dressed peasant women who would lift up their skirts to reveal rolls of cash and I would diligently cash my $20 each week. I felt equally good for both of us, happy to be living off of my $20 a week and happy for them to have money coming from their families.
At the end of my semester in Ecuador I traveled with a dear friend up to Colombia and then down through Peru and Bolivia. We did the trip by land and logged 187 hours by bus, including five overnighters in the three week period. We spent just under $200 for the three week trip. We stayed in the cheapest places we could find, typically under $3. I recall arriving tired into La Paz and searching for probably two hours to find a place we could afford. We found a place with these amazingly comfortable looking beds, but the price was $20/night, so we had to move on. Looking back part of me wishes I could splurge on myself back then, but back then I was equally proud to have stuck to our tight budget.
After the semester in Ecuador I returned to Fiji for the summer. I had fallen madly in love with a hot Fijian guy the summer before and traveled around the world to get my tropical fix. The romance was short lived but the life lessons have stuck with me. It was 1998 and I bought my first purchase on the internet, nervously hitting buy on a ticket to Fiji with most of the money I had at that time (I think around $800). I left to Fiji with $300 in my pocket, for three months. When I arrived in Fiji we went to purchase food to bring to the outer island of Waya Lailai. Being my frugal self, I thought I would buy a bit and be on my way. In the end I spent $100, on a huge bag of sugar, flour, tea, tinned milk, and other staples. I was a bit nervous to spend that much of my money right off the bat, but figured it would last me through the summer. In the end the good were pretty much used island style and within a week we were out of almost everything. Darcy came to visit and we spent another $50 on a huge village party for our 21st Birthday, complete with luau style pig roast and incredible fish. It was worth it. When several weeks later the chief called a taboo on fishing, pickings were pretty slim. We ate nothing but plain boiled kasava (a tasteless tuber) for 11 days straight. It was my first time really being out there on my own, literally in the middle of the South Pacific, and my safety net was slim. I managed to make it through, even if a few pounds lighter.
By my senior year it felt like I had mastered my finances. I managed to get in as a Resident Assistant in the dorms, which in comparison to paying out of pocket for living expenses was a huge boon. I recall being challenged with how expensive things were, not feeling like I could buy a magazine when I could have lived on that for a day. Fellow students complained about dorm food and I couldn’t help but feel that they were spoiled and didn’t have a clue about how the rest of the world lived. Needless to say I was pretty happy to have signed up for the Peace Corps and was headed off in the fall to live in Ghana for the next two years.
I felt like I was doing pretty well financially and considered going back to Finland for a long overdue (and ironically still overdue) trip back to visit my host families and friends. I penciled out the post graduation trip and was about ready to buy the ticket, but decided in the end to save my money. A friend had planned to join me as well. When I decided not to go, she decided she would go to Spain for a month instead. Her parents were fine with her going to Finland with me, but weren’t too excited about her traveling alone to Spain (where she had been before in high school). In the end they offered to pay my plane ticket and hotels, and I would pay for my living expenses, if I joined her in going to Spain. This was of course an offer that I couldn’t say no to. It was my first whiff of traveling on the dime of someone else, and I was hooked.
I was initially going to do an internship in Washington, DC, since as an International Affairs major I always picked myself there (here). I was all set to do it, but when I penciled out how much it would cost me to do the internship for the summer, I realized I was actually much better off heading back to Oregon and enjoying a summer not working for the first time in my life. I enjoyed time with family and it was definitely worth it.

During my college years the main things that stand out for me is:

You have to support yourself in this world
Saving money can get you places in the world
Working hard will get you where you want to be

I imagine exploring my current money stories will be most interesting of all, but it does help to reflect on what experiences have influenced my financial perspective.

Cheers,

Miel

~*~*~*~*~*~ Sustainable Family Finances The story of a family creating an abundant and sustainable life.

Identical twins approach finances differently

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The Ghanaian symbol for twins is q Siamese twin crocodile
and means “Unity in Diversity.”

“Same, same. But different.”

This is a saying that is heard often in Ghanaian pigeon English, referring to something being both the same and different at the same time. That would be how I would best describe my twin sister, Darcy, and my experiences and relationships with money.

While we are identical twins, how we manage and deal with money is more often than not pretty different. I guess it speaks to the nature versus nurture question. I think we’d both say it is hard to pinpoint where things went differently, but would both agree on the marked differences.

To understand our differences today it is helpful to look back at our earlier influences around money. We both thought that the penny candy mini-tootsie rolls and Jolly Ranchers at the only store in our small rural town was a smokin’ deal, even if our mom wasn’t thrilled with heaps of candy. But somewhere after that we started to diverge a bit.

Even in high school I would have been pegged as the saver and Darcy as the spender. Me, unwilling to part with money for cool environmental t-shirts or CDs. My sis couldn’t get enough of either. When I did spend money it was definitely saving up and then spending it all at once.

College was definitely a defining periods around money for both of us. I opted for a more expensive liberal arts school, Lewis & Clark College, that I could barely afford. Darcy went to Oregon state schools as well as a year in Denmark. We actually both came out of undergrad with pretty close to the same amount of student loans (thanks to grants and paying tuition through on my side and a year in Denmark on Darcy’s side). However, while we were in school, Darcy got money back from her financial aid package and lived relatively cheaply while I worked two jobs to pay for a more expensive education.

Saving to spend was a trend that I kept on through college, where I worked two jobs throughout and saved during one semester to pay for the next semester of tuition. What I had leftover would go towards travel, saving and saving and saving, and then traveling until I was down to the end of what I had. All to start over again. I definitely recall returning from more than one trip running on E.

While I could go on about our various differences, I think the thing that intrigues me most is that from the outside we look pretty similar. Even if you spent some time around us, the differences would be subtle at best. It reminds me of how our underlying feelings toward money manifest themselves in our day to day approaches towards money, even if we don’t take the time to think back as to how those developed.

We are in the process of reflecting on those experiences, and will be sharing our money stories in a series of posts.

Cheers,

Miel (and Darcy)

~*~*~*~*~*~
Sustainable Family Finances
Growing abundance while living down-to-Earth